I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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