dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
