Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize