Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
