just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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