Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
