Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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