Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
