Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Im part way to drunk.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
