Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
