Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
