can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
