She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
