y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
