My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
