Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
