Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
