OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize