dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
