nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
