I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
