i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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