but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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