He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize