My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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