I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
