So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
