I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
