lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
