So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
