whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
