the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
