I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
