Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
