I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
