I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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