I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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