I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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