At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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