He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
