I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
