And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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