Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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