So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
