youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
