we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
love makes seman taste better
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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