I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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