Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
