Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
