you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
