so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
