so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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