sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
