Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize