So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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