I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
