She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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