I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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