im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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