At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
