So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
