And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this hospital has no fireball
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
