My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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