Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
a search helicopter?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
