I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize