Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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