please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
