remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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