I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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