she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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