Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I believe in your delicious
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
