When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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