I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
