FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Randomize