Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
