Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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