The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize