My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
