ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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