You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nutella sex= disaster
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
