An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
