I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
