Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
