I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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