Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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