I accidentally had phone sex last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
