she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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