i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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