oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
