I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
