he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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