So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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