from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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