Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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