when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
