turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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