What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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