I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
