The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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