Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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