no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everclear isn't food dammit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
