sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
