good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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