if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
