First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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