I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
