ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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