so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
